come back to me

its still only just sinking in. you are gone. completely out of my life and there is nothing, nothing in this whole world i could do to bring you back to me, to us. i miss you so much it gets me every single night.

changing

i know you're lying, you're lying to me and everyone. you're not okay, its obvious i just wish you would admit it and let me help you.

i love you so much

camping wasn't nearly the same without you. i almost cried myself to sleep every night we were there and being at the wedding wasn't much better. seeing alyssa walk down the isle, her dad giving her away to her new husband to be, having her dad stand up at the reception and talk about when she was little, what a blessing she is, how proud of her he is and how he loves her. knowing i will never have that moment. i miss you and love you an unbelievable amount, unconditionally. i would do anything to have you back with us, we need you. i need  you, its not the same without you! every girl needs her dad ...

whats happening!

you - "hey babe, whatr you doing today?"  me- "nothing planned, wbu? i miss you!"  you- "kay sweet your hanging with me! mount? be round soon!"  two and a half hours later you arrive, you got "caught up" talking to our youth leader- your friend about your ex. again. you had to take your exs brother to get his lunch? you ditch me after a few hours saying your "tired" to go hang out with your sister! we are meant to be close, somethings changed,  you'v changed and i dont like it, not one bit! being with the other girls lately has made me realise something, why i have so much fun with them. they dont care about what they look like, how skinny they are, how their face and hair looks. they'r not afraid to eat what they like, when they like. they dont let stupid boys stop them from having fun. you think your still heartbroken about your boyfriend leaving you 5 months ago? in that time iv had my dad die, iv been engaged and dumped a week later! you have no idea what im going through. its made me realise whats important in life and what isn't. get over it and start living, accept the facts because you'v changed and i don't like it one bit.

for the first time in 17 years we hung out, we went out. we drank, we danced we ran around, we had fun. us three, the originals. i loved every bit of it. i love you girls, you are amazing. thankyou for making my new years.

i want out

i dont care if your "not my guy" but i dont get how you can do the same as me, except with you? your doing nothing wrong. its exactly the same situation. "i not your guy and shes my mate. they had no right" "its like you hating any guy that iv ever got with, you wanna go after him, its exactly the same" - no reply. because you know it is. i was driving, i read that text and had to pull over. i couldn't breath my chest felt heavy  i just couldn't believe it. i wanted to cry, i wanted to scream. hearing after all this time your taking her side? i couldn't believe it. what is your problem, cant you see whats happening? shes taking you away, they all are its like your a completely different person now and dont want anything to do with me or your old life anymore. you seem to flick your feelings on and off like a switch, whenever is convenient for you. your not the person i thought you were and the way its going? i dont wanna find out who you really are now. im here for you, i always will be but im not gunna wait around forever while you decide what you want, who you wanna be. i know who you really are and this isn't it. i hope you realise that.

not long left

in a few hours you will be here, i cannot wait. one of my best friends since i first started school. i remember the day when our mums introduced us, your first day at tahatai coast, i was your first friend. since then you've moved around.. alot. countries, houses, loosing and gaining friends along the way. we both have but you? you are a constant in my life. we have spent years apart before but when we see eachother it is always as if no time has passsed. unlike some others i can fully be myself around you, we joke, we laugh, we make videos of our 'band', the 'ghosts' in your room, we look back at them each time we are together and cry from laughter. you are always here for me, flew over from aussie for the funeral just to be here with us. iv missed you, iv missed that innocent happiness and being around you. in a few hours you will be here, i cannot wait.