Thursday, November 25, 2010

its only ever been you.

everything will be okay

everything will be okay. think about what we've been through. everything that seems important now won't be anymore. things find a way of working themselves out. things aren't as impossible as they seem. don't think about how broken your heart is right now, dont think about how things wont work and how hard everything seems to always be. you have two moving feet and a heart that beats. use your feet and go find someone or something to make your heart happy. everything is going to work out. whatever happens is what is supposed to happen. maybe is wont always work out, but there is no reason to believe you wont be okay. there is no reason to believe everything wont work out.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

i'm free

lastnight i hung with the girls, i had fun, i had a really good night and for once, i didn't have to worry. we sung, we danced, we drove around and seen people, we did whatever we liked, and for the first time in a long time i didn't have to worry. i felt free, not having you text me asking what i'm doing, getting angry if i'm not with you. as much as i hate to admit it? you were right. this was a good choice for us and it will bring us closer eventually, i love you so much and i hate the pain you put me through but i can see it was for the best. i never want to loose you, you are such a huge part of my life but this way? we are both happy. i am now free.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

dont forget me

please dont forget me. you were my life, you are still my life. you mean so much to me, 5years of friendship, 18months together and an engagement. i will never forget a moment. i know we started to grow apart but i miss you and i truly believed we could get that back. we had so much fun. i still remember that one day we hung out as friends, a whole day just around papamoa. we had our sorbet and had sorbet fights, you insisted on carrying me down the road, we had sword fights after our mission around the $2 shop and dollar value. the time we spent on the beach, just walking around the streets laughing and flirting. was one of the best days of my life and one of my most treasured memories. i miss that day, i miss us, i miss you. as much as i wish i could hate you for what you did, i don't and i know i won't. as much as i want to make you suffer for what you did? i just can't. i want to be how we were, running around like little kids having fun without a care in the world. enjoying eachothers company, having the time of our lives. we had plans, plans for the future. even when we're old and wrinkly we would be running around the place having our cream and sword fights, racing eachother in wheelchairs. i miss you, i miss everything about you, i miss what we had and i long for the day when we can be like this again.

i'm done

what is it with some people, can't keep to their own business. just because we are now over, doesn't mean everyone can suddenly make an entrance into either of our lives, doesn't mean everyone can start to judge and start their own ideas. you know my name, not my story. its my life! i have changed, i am not who i used to be and i have changed for the better. what happened in the past, stays in the past. i have done things i regret, things i wish i could take back but i can't. keep your opinions to yourself 'cause from now on, i am done living for everyone else. its my life.

you're a treasure

you are beautiful, i wish you would see that. my closest friend. you don't need to dress up or try change yourself for anyone, not any guy, no-one. you are perfect the way you are. through everything you have stood by me, you're a treasure to me, i wish you would see that. i can't remember us meeting like you can but i can remember everything, every time we have shared, baking in the middle of the night cause we were hungry, crying of laughter when 'quaded' down your beach, trips to maccas, running around your house trying to find the best place to tan, our massive pig outs then workouts the next day, trying to start our own bonfires, our bitch sessions and long talks, drunken times, church the next day and not being able to stop laughing, our dancing in the middle of songs, our singing in the car, our 'dates', all of our failed photos... i love you, you are truly beautiful. i wish you would see that.

what a lie

i looked through my drawer today, the drawer filled with notes, letters, pictures, anything from you. i looked through the phone that we shared, texts from three years ago about how you would fight for me, how you would never hurt me if you had me, how you would treat me better than anyone else. i believed you, i took a chance with you. you said forever? what a lie. never could anyone have hurt me worse than you have. i don't believe that you ever truly loved me like you said, i don't believe you could hurt someone you love this much. you'v hurt me, you'v bought me to tears more times than i can count. but i can't help but love you. can only hope that this will become easier.


today, you broke me. you finally did it. you propose then a week later you leave, just like you've always promised you would never do. i found out your lies you had kept from me, you said you would never leave, i believed you. you broke me. you've changed. i don't know who you are anymore and i don't want to know. i forgave you for your past mistakes, but i cannot do this anymore. have fun with your new friends, you've lost me, for good.

everything about you

i love that you know me. i love your facial expressions. i love the way you say my name. i love the way you want to tell me things. i love your smile, i love your laugh, i love that we have the same sense of humour. i love that you care. i love that we never have awkward moments. i love how you smell and how it lingers on my clothes. i love your hugs and how they're warm and safe. i love the way your eyes light up when you laugh. i love how your such a nerd sometimes. i love that our hands fit together perfectly. i love that you make me do that cliche sigh. i love how you make me burst into fits of laughter after everything you say, because you really are that funny to me. i love how you trust me, i love how we're best friends. i love that i was able to know you, i love you.